Everyone thought I was visiting the Greek island of Ikaria and Cyprus for three months’ vacation. Some of my friends even asked me to take them with me. But this was no vacation. It was a journey of exploration, to discover where I might fit when I want to spend long periods of time away from the States or even relocate upon retirement in the future.
The day after I returned to the States, I reflected on my experiences during this long stay in Greece and Cyprus, loaded with unexpected discoveries. For the first time it became crystal clear why Cyprus is my motherland, Greece my spiritland and the States my homeland. For years I had a sense that I belong to three countries but never understood why I felt this way, until now. An additional surprise was the lessons each country had to offer me and the several new conclusions I drew from my observations of these lands.
IKARIA, GREECE
Numerous articles and documentaries have been made about the island of Ikaria, categorized as one of five “blue zones” on earth. In these zones, average life spans are far longer, and chronic disease less common.
What I noticed in Ikaria is the islanders’ ability to carry a deep-rooted understanding of when “enough is enough.” They know when to end the day, when to stop piling up money, gathering possessions, adding on properties or multiplying businesses. This awareness opens the door for them to enjoy generous portions of a good time—visits with friends, storytelling, or enjoying the beauty and gifts of their home island. This mindset gives permission for the relaxed minds, serene hearts and generous hands in almost everyone you meet there. People always have time to stop and chat, to easily ask you who you are or where you are from while being equally open and ready to share information about themselves and their life. There is a sense of helpfulness and trust among people here that I have not seen anywhere else in Greece. It is as if Ikaria has its own unique culture.
In Ikaria I learned the lesson of how to listen intensely to myself while I am speaking; I became minutely aware of my choice of words. I considered carefully how much to express and in what manner because what is said will be spread throughout the island as fast and as wide as the wind travels. Yes, there is serious gossip, but I experienced gossip from a new angle: the Ikarians might know every single detail about each other’s life, even about people who live on the other side of the island, however, when they describe others’ life it is without hatred or jealousy. They just know everybody and everything about everybody and it becomes a topic of conversation devoid of envy. It is shared simply as a description.
In Greece there is heavenly scent in the air, a unique blue color in the sky, and the restlessness, unpredictability and beauty of the clear, warm sea. In Ikaria the mountains are held erect by wild, solid, round boulders of marble and granite constantly threatening to roll down on you, while on your walks on the scarce, even terrain you are surrounded by fragile, mesmerizing jasmine, thyme and sage. The pomegranates hanging like red Christmas ball ornaments adorning the trees, the lemon, orange, quince and mandarin trees deeply rooted with their fruits dangling as long as they can hang on the branches—when the people fail to see their ripeness and pick them, they will fall to the ground, all that juicy sweetness going to waste under the mother trees.
I had a chance to visit the neighboring island of Delos for a few hours. The island is uninhabited, and no overnight stay is permitted. Half the island is bejeweled with temples made mostly of marble and the other half with the ancient inhabitants’ stone residences. As you stroll down the narrow walkways, stepping in history, walking through the ruined temples, you can still feel the ceremonies being performed there eons ago, while on the other side of the island the invisible hustle and bustle of the people in the markets remains quite palpable. Delos is an experience not to be missed. But take your time walking, eavesdropping, sensing, all in silence. Delos gives, so be ready to receive.
I also spent time on the mainland, among old and new friends, driving through the modern, newly developed parts of Greece. There is focus on the family but also recognition of private, alone time. There is focus on education, manners, and consideration of others, plus room for self-expression, creativity and personal growth. However, in the big cities, there exists a need for self-protection, expressed in people’s seeming readiness for a screaming match anywhere with anyone at any time. Another bizarre phenomenon, perhaps because I am accustomed to the States’ precise construction practices, in Greece, no matter how modern and well built a structure is, there is always something off … no idea as to the reason for this. I have stayed in super expensive and not so expensive establishments, and visited many buildings and homes. It is always the same story.
For reasons I might never be able to comprehend, the air I breathe on the land of Greece somehow does not only enter my lungs. It goes straight to my soul. Perhaps it is the ancient philosophers’ teachings still swirling in the air or buried deep in the DNA of any Greek I get into a conversation with. Greeks still carry in their cells the unconscious awareness—yes, an oxymoron—of their ancient wisdom. As they focus on and talk about the surface of daily life, many of them, not all, also venture into the underlying veins of life, often making references to the immortal spirit. It is as if the twelve gods of Olympus are still carrying out their spells here in undetectable gestures. A mysterious hidden Knowing is lurking everywhere. This is the reason Greece is my spiritland.
Having shared all that, there is also a deep-rooted dysfunction in the system, no matter what governmental party is in power at that moment. There is a feeling that the ground can be snatched from beneath your feet at any time and no one will take responsibility for it. This tendency towards unclaimed responsibility, resulting in blaming others, creates a general mistrust and a constant sense of unsafety and uncertainty that exists especially among people living in the big cities of the country. In Ikaria, however, this mistrust is minimal perhaps due to its difficult history whereby the inhabitants were forced to become self-reliant and self-sufficient as an island.
Along with the ancient wisdom carried in the cells of Greeks, mentioned above, often in conversations one detects the tendency to preach “the truth”, well, their truth. While conversing, there is the underlying message of, “I am right, I know this is the way it is, this is the correct way.” If one is not acute enough to calmly listen, one ends up in a lively debate.
CYPRUS
Cyprus is where I was born and raised until early adolescence before I moved to the States fifty years ago. Every time I step on Cypriot soil it always feels to me like I am entering my mother’s womb. The perfect natural fit for this physical body. I guess that is the reason it is called motherland. However, for me, connection to the land is quite different from connection to the people who occupy it. In Cyprus nobody saw me. No one. I remained invisible and, conversely, I felt lost. It was a struggle to hold on to who I am, when no one around saw me or recognized any of my strengths, my intuition, wisdom and self-awareness. Assets that in Cyprus are not understood, valued or talked about.
The two greatest gifts this island has to offer, however, is its weather and the short distances between one’s home and any needed service. During the winter months, you can literally go skiing up on the mountains in the morning and in the afternoon go swimming at the beach. If you live in the city, you can reach your country home in around forty minutes or less. In addition, there exists unlimited hospitality, generosity and warmth. Just the fact that next to your name, people who know you always add the word mou. Yolanda mou … which translates, my Yolanda, makes you feel close to whoever is addressing you.
Parental giving breaks every imaginable boundary in Cyprus. Parents’ actions are spontaneous without obliging their grown children. Family is the core of their existence. Yet the closeness of families, which makes people in Cyprus so lovable and special, is the same characteristic that prevents them from entering past the surface and getting to know themselves and realizing that everyone, across this entire earth, is interconnected. Of course, a lack of awareness of this fundamental human fact does not only exist in Cyprus, I know. Not recognizing the connection between people leads to serious and constant judgment, gossip and the tendency to ridicule anyone who stands out in any shape or form.
A lack of self-awareness prevents people from knowing what they themselves like or dislike, want to do or avoid doing. They end up following the crowd or whatever is popular at any particular time. It prevents people from feeling free to express their uniqueness. So, when they see someone else expressing themselves in a distinctive manner, different from the norm, they immediately feel jealousy that might be expressed either by extreme admiration or severe judgement. This falls in step with the prevailing question of “What would others think or say?” There is a strong propensity to follow and imitate all sorts of trends rather than showing originality or initiating new inclinations, styles or fads. I believe this keeps one safe. Since standing out risks ridicule, following an existing trend is more secure. I believe it comes from the island’s difficult and painful history. It is an unconscious attempt at survival.
While talking to one of my relatives, he said, “We have everything here”. Yes, that is true. You can find anything you can imagine in Cyprus. Everything that exists on the surface, that is. The fact that we, humans, are interconnected is buried under the surface. The vegetation knows and experiences it uninterrupted, their roots tangled together, united underground through fungi and bacteria. That is the reason that only through developing the art of “digging”, of going “within”, can one realize the oneness that exists among us humans. On the surface people and trees alike appear to stand and exist alone. The truth lies underneath. All we have to do is learn to pierce the surface of our existence. There, we are never alone; there, loneliness simply does not exist. But to go under the surface we need alone time and in Cyprus people are never alone. They cannot conceive of the idea of spending time alone; they cannot find a good reason for it.
Mingling in the streets adorned with shiny new impressive construction and conversing with the locals in Cyprus I couldn’t stop feeling that the people are experiencing a diluted sense of identity. But were the Cypriots ever given the chance to create an identity of their own? They have been through invasions and conquests by innumerable nations with their different cultures. They only gained their independence in 1960 and soon after that, in 1974, they were invaded again and now live in a divided country.
There is an emphasis on the belief “You are not better than me” that invades the air in Cyprus. This cultural characteristic can fuel a striving for higher achievement while simultaneously firing up the habit of constant comparison, which carries with it an unceasing effort to ensure that one is always better, smarter, richer, of higher status, etc. than the person next to them. After a while this can get tiring.
In Cyprus I also witnessed the most heroic behaviors from people handed difficult life situations. Conditions that I seriously doubt I could deal with myself. I observed self-sacrifices, unselfish offerings and generosities that one might think extinct in this day and age. There is a trust that when you ask for any kind of help from somewhere, or someone, and if for whatever reason they themselves cannot help they will surely refer you to someone who can and does offer their assistance. In that way daily life feels a bit easier and makes connection between people a bit closer.
So, what are the lessons I walked away with? I learned that there is a vast separation between personality and action. One can act in the most noble fashion towards another while being a superb gossiper at the same time. Also, one can act in the most profound spiritual manner without understanding or prescribing to religion or spirituality.
Another lesson was that all this observing and reading of the Cypriot way of life was made possible because I was determined and successfully managed, for the most part, to differentiate between the acts of describing vs judging people just because they are different from me. Because being born and having lived in Cyprus for a bit more than a decade, I also had enough time to absorb the art of judging and the concern of what would the other thinks. It took half of my life, hard work and living in a country like the States to ease the grip these trends had on my life and actions.
THE STATES
Back in the States, I reentered comfort, convenience and a sense that my personality returned to its home. The States is my homeland. This is where I have my home and nurtured my family. This is the place where my strengths and natural talents were recognized and rewarded by the opportunity to become and thrive as a psychotherapist. This is the place offering channels to explore religion and spirituality despite its racist and discriminatory tendencies. The culture of the States places individuality over family. Indifference, anger and hate are generously expressed in this country in manners that can destroy and harm others and in ways that can wake up significant injustices. I could easily have added ignorance, the condition of not knowing that one does not know, as another malice in the States but one can find this condition globally, unfortunately.
One might find it hard to believe that indifference carries gifts. Yet, in my case, it did and does. The indifference existing in the States offered me space and freedom to find, value and put into action personal attributes that otherwise might have been needed to stay hidden due to being a bit out of the norm. Like my tendency to spend long periods of time alone, I had an inborn, natural ability to read people that came in handy when I trained as a psychotherapist, a profession that still struggles to be accepted in both Greece and Cyprus. I let loose my curiosity to study various religions and spiritual paths before selecting and following the teaching that agrees with me, leading me towards a more honest and compassionate way of life. Greece and Cyprus still offer limited encouragement for exploration outside the Greek Orthodox religion. There are truths and strengths in that religion for those whose personality agrees with its establishment. I strongly believe that Greek Orthodoxy inspires the compassion, closeness and love existing in that culture. But what about for those who disagree with the way it is presented and run? Is there opportunity to openly follow a different religion or spiritual path and be accepted and respected at the same time?
The placement of individuality over family breeds indifference. Indifference can create isolation and feelings of being lost. As people become more isolated, they forget the commonalities between them and others. They begin placing others in two categories: good and bad. And hate begins to grow for the “bad” people. Imagine, hating people who one never spoke with, never met, people who one does not know. As the vastness and great distances of this country encourage anonymity and its harmful aftermath, it also creates space for diversity and choice.
The mysterious gift found here is the sense of responsibility. I call it mysterious because if one takes the overall picture of the nation, despite whoever is placed as head of the government at any time, you will doubt that such a condition has room to exist. Yet, it does. Checks and balances are still in place, for the most part.
So, at the end of the three months, did my original curiosity get satisfied? Did I answer the question of where is there a possible place other than the States to eventually retire to? Yes, I did. I came across gorgeous places but only for visiting, not to live in. As much as it is essential to take into consideration the longing for the motherland, the yearning for the spiritland, practicality in life is as important. I am not leaving the States. This country with all its serious problems on every level, fears, dangers, and imperfections still holds impressive gifts. It offers some structure, and a certain level of security. You can follow any kind of professional path that fits your being. There is room to pursue complaints and often get some sort of resolution. Yes, it will cost you, but here you get excellent medical care, good, solid education and opportunity to express your originality or not. Here you can still speak your mind and be yourself without being ostracized by everyone.
This country is unfathomably beautiful. However, the spirit in the air will never change; it will always feel like one is on foreign soil (despite the passionate, fanatic convictions that this land belongs to the people). This is due to the origins of this nation. We have nearly all immigrated here, some fifty years ago, others two hundred and fifty years ago.
Perhaps this is why I feel I fit in this county.
My only hope is that we do not self-destruct… which we might.
