It’s a commonly held belief that love, and relationships go together, or that they must go together. Well, they don’t! They would have gone together if we were humans without personalities. But the reality is that personalities inevitably interrupt the flow of love between two people.

Why? How? Having a personality means we carry judgments and expectations of others. Both natural human aspects present built-in interference in love’s spontaneous flow and presence in humans. Conversely, these two states also present a great opportunity to grow the love in the relationship if we learn to harness them, instead of staying stuck in them.

Remaining stuck in frustrating patterns is a major reason why Valentine’s Day often contains deep disappointment for couples. You see, on Valentine’s Day, the day we await “proof” of how much we are loved, we expect picture-perfect, movie-like gestures to take place. Instead, it is a day that the essence of the connection between two “lovers” comes through, for better or worse.

Love does not need one day of celebration. Love demands 365 days of celebration and expression. So, it will be helpful to take our cues from how this Valentine’s Day was celebrated or not, and to make note of where we felt disappointed, or even pleasantly surprised.

It will be wise to use that information to talk, to dialogue, to discover, face, and clear with courageous honesty any hindrances in the flow of our love for each other. Flowers, chocolates, and expensive gifts and dinners simply don’t cut it. They fail to clear whatever may have been shoved under the carpet during the year.

Learning to clear our differences and disagreements is the best and least expensive, yet most valuable and lasting, gift we can give each other this Valentine’s Day. Obstacles are a natural and non-ending occurrence in relationships due to having personalities. No one is to blame for this fact of life.

Happy Valentine’s Day!